Martes, Pebrero 22, 2022

[OC] The Academy Awards are almost here, so it's time to hand out some NBA Oscars as well

Now that the All-Star game is behind us, it's time to look ahead to the end of the season and some potential honors. But rather than fall back on the familiar awards (Rookie of the Year, MVP, etc), let's take a page from the Academy Awards and hand out some Oscars.

BEST LIVE ACTION SHORT

Considered a minor award at the Oscars, our NBA equivalent will honor the best undersized player in the NBA. Who's giving us the most pound for pound and inch for inch? The 160-pound Trae Young is a perpetual contender, but it feels odd to give him a trophy in a year when Atlanta is on the outside of the playoff picture. Instead, let's go with Fred VanVleet. Undrafted out of Wichita State, VanVleet was always flagged for his limited athleticism and his limited size (6'0" with a 6'1" wingspan). Despite his lack of an ideal frame, VanVleet's excelled thanks to his shooting ability (up to 40% on 10 threes a game) but also his activity and energy across the board. More than a one-dimensional scorer, the shorty has averaged 4.6 rebounds, 1.7 steals, and even 0.5 blocks per game.


BEST ORIGINAL SCORE

We're used to high scoring games these days, but Memphis raised our eyebrows with their 152-79 rout of the Oklahoma City Thunder on December 2nd. It was the largest margin of victory in NBA history. More impressive still, the Grizzlies did it without Ja Morant.


BEST COSTUME DESIGN

The NBA is always trotting out new uniform designs in order to squeeze every last cent for their poor fans and sometimes that results in some clunkers. However, I happen to like Charlotte's "city" jerseys, with the ombre color and the honeycomb pattern at top. There's a certain galactic superhero look to it that fits especially well with a young and exciting core like the Hornets have.


BEST MAKEUP and HAIRSTYLING

We have some great/goofy hair across the league, from Jarrett Allen's afro to Kelly Oubre's blond poof. But since this Oscar category now includes makeup, let's hear it for LeBron James and his hairline. It's not easy to excel at age 37, fighting your competition and male pattern baldness along the way. More savvy still, James' expanding beard helps hide his suspiciously expanding jawline.


BEST DOC-UMENTARY

We all love the true life, behind-the-scenes soap opera of the NBA, and this season has provided plenty of it. There's some eerie silence with Zion Williamson in New Orleans and too much noise about Kyrie Irving's philosophy in Brooklyn, but the main storyline that's dominated the headlines and morning shows has been the Ben Simmons saga in Philadelphia. We've rarely seen a superstar miss extended time with DNP - Hurt Feelings before. Add in a fiery resolution that may affect the title picture, and you have an Oscar worthy documentary here.


BEST ANIMATED FEATURE

We're using this award to honor the best personality in the NBA this year. And to that end, Minnesota wing Anthony Edwards has captured our hearts like Encanto. You can't stop singing We Don't Talk About Bruno, and you can't stop forwarding your friends Edwards' latest press conference quotes either.


BEST SOUND

We could use this category to pick the best soundbite from Anthony Edwards or Charles Barkley, but how about some love for the best NBA podcast? After all, there are about 100,000 to choose from. The trouble is: most basketball podcasts get a little stale -- either the analyst gets too arrogant and set in their opinions, or they slowly become disinterested in the sport and stop watching games. That problem doesn't apply to the No Dunks podcast. The gang has survived several different iterierations (Basketball Jones, The Starters, etc) and always maintained their enthusiasm and chemistry.


BEST PRODUCTION DESIGN

One of the most fun aspects of watching basketball and being an armchair GM is that a basketball roster is more of a delicate potion than other sports. In baseball, you can just add good hitter after good hitter and expect a certain result; in basketball, different stars and role players align better than others and affect each other in more direct ways.

If chemistry is a scientific art, then Chicago exec Arturas Karnisovas got branded as a mad scientist for "overpaying" for DeMar DeRozan this summer. After all, DeRozan was an empty calorie scorer! The Bulls (31-41 last season) weren't anywhere close to contention anyway! What a disaster!

As it turns out, DeRozan has helped spark a major turnaround for the Bulls, who are closing in on their preseason over/under (of 42.5) already. DeRozan is scoring 28 points per game on 60% true shooting. It would be a shocker, if DeRozan hadn't registered 60% and 59% TS the last two years in San Antonio. Karnisovas and company realized the value to that and found a great way to add production to the team, whose offense has jumped from 19th to 3rd.


BEST INTERNATIONAL FEATURE

Previously known as "best foreign film," we have plenty of candidates here to award the best international player in the NBA. Giannis Antetokounmpo, Joel Embiid, Luka Doncic, etc. Among them, we're giving this to Nikola Jokic. On top of his absurd and MVP-worthy stats (26-14-8 on excellent efficiency), Jokic is arguably the most "foreign" among them in terms of his exotic and hard-to-translate game. After all, it's still hard for many to mentally process how a goofy doughboy has the skill to dominate the competition.


BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY

A cinematographer (also known as a "DP" for director of photography) is an undervalued player on a set, setting up and filming shots in a way that most attribute to a director's role. And if we're talking about setting up and framing shots in a certain way, then Daryl Morey takes this award for his role in the aforementioned Ben Simmons drama. All season long, he set the table and sold the narrative that the Sixers didn't need to force or rush a Simmons trade this season despite the fact that their centerpiece Joel Embiid is right in the middle of his prime (at age 27) and has a precarious injury history. People wanted to rush Morey, but he had the artistic vision to wait. And wait. And wait. And then he clicked his shot at the perfect time, right in the magic hour of the deadline. Say whatever you want about James Harden, but he's certainly better than a $30M hole in your cap sheet.


BEST EDITING

The editor is the last line of defense in the movie making process -- and at times, they have to figure out how to polish a turd as best as possible. To that end, the Clippers' Lawrence Frank and Ty Lue have done that. Almost everything went wrong this season -- highlighted by injuries to Kawhi Leonard and Paul George. To make matters even worse, the Clippers couldn't "tank" and punt the season away because they don't own their own R1 pick (which goes to OKC.) Somehow, someway, the team needed to polish this turd of a circumstance and make due. And they've done exactly that, staying afloat in a tough Western Conference. Better still, Frank managed to trade for Norman Powell, a solid wing who will serve two purposes: he'll help them stay near .500 this year, but he'll also fit on next year's title-contending team. The fact that this team is ahead of their cross-town rival Lakers shows a lot about the quality of their staff and organization.


BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY

The NBA is a copycat league, and that's only increased since analytics took over. Everyone wants to push the pace and jack up threes. Everyone wants wings -- the more wings the better!

Given that, Cleveland GM Koby Altman earned some criticism for his roster construction these last few years. One year after drafting scoring guard Collin Sexton, he drafted another small guard in Darius Garland. Less than one year after trading for (and extending) true center in Jarrett Allen, he drafted another 7 footer in Evan Mobley. And acquired another in Lauri Markkanen. Apparently he didn't get the memo about wings because the Cavs seemed to be going for a roster with anything BUT.

As it happens, that turned out well. Mobley and Allen have formed a wall on defense that ranks 4th in the league, and Garland's skill and star power has outweighed any concerns about his size. Sure, the idea of going for a "best player available" approach isn't wholly original, but original is a low bar in Hollywood.


BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY

NBA teams go through life cycles. You rebuild, improve, and hopefully contend. It's like a child learning to walk and then run. And when your window looks closed, you're supposed to accept your fate and die gracefully in the beautiful flames of a "blow it up" firesale. It's the Viking funeral of sports teams.

The Golden State Warriors were the latest team to shrug off their death and stave off a rebuild despite a brutal string of injury luck. They effectively gave up on the 2019-20 season and loaded up on draft picks in the meantime, a la Steve Kerr's old team the San Antonio Spurs with Tim Duncan. James Wiseman hasn't been Tim Duncan -- or Dwight Howard -- or even Dwight Powell -- but Jonathan Kuminga and Moses Moody look promising and Wiseman still has time to do the same. More than anything, the Warriors showed that it's OK to take a year off. It's not a rebuild or a white flag -- it's a soft tank for a year. A "punt."

Masai Ujiri and the Toronto Raptors followed in those footsteps. Last season was a nightmare all the way around, leading to a disappointing 27-45 season. However, they took advantage of that one-year punt, grabbed promising rookie Scottie Barnes, and jumped right back up to the playoff picture this season. We may see more and more punts in the future, particularly if it works for Portland and Damian Lillard this year.


BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR

It's sometimes difficult for the Academy Awards to differentiate between a "lead" and "supporting" role. They nominated Lakeith Stanfield for "Best Supporting Actor" in Judas and the Black Messiah despite his character being the lead. Meanwhile, Anthony Hopkins won "Best Actor" in Silence of the Lambs despite appearing for only 16 minutes on screen.

We can quibble with the same distinction here in our NBA Oscars. Are we saying it's the greatest "second best player" on a team? If so, you can argue for the lesser of the power duos between Devin Booker or Chris Paul in Phoenix, or Donovan Mitchell / Rudy Gobert in Utah, or DeMar DeRozan / Zach LaVine in Chicago.

However, the way that we're taking this award is to mean the best player who has more of a supporting role, as in a great overqualified role player. By that standard, you'd look more to players like Steven Adams. He's quietly been crashing the glass and crunching on screens for Memphis. Still, the player who jumps out as the prototypical role player or 3+D template right now is probably Mikal Bridges. He's one of the glue guys for the top seed despite averaging less than 14 PPG. His contract (set to balloon to $20M) shows he's more than a role player, but Steven Adams is also on a big deal himself at $17M.


BEST ACTOR

We can make a joke about flopping here, but let's try and use this major award as analogous to "Best Player."

Oddly, the field mirrors the field for "Best International Feature" -- with Nikola Jokic, Joel Embiid, and Giannis Antetokounmpo jockeying for positioning. Jokic took the prior award, but we're handing this one out to Giannis Antetokounmpo instead. Even after a title, it feels like fans have taken Antetokounmpo's dominance for granted. He's back up to 29-11-6 again on incredible efficiency, and he has the edge on Jokic and most others when it comes to his defense.

More than that, Antetokounmpo represents what we want a superstar and "Best Actor" to be. That is: he plays hard every night on both ends. He plays with a love of the game. He acts with an appreciation for his fans and an off-the-court humility that must be hard to maintain when you're arguably the best player on the planet. He's the type of player we want all our superstars to act like.


BEST DIRECTOR

We'll equate a director with a coach more so than a GM, and that effectively makes this the "Coach of the Year" award. In real life, that tends to go to the coach who had the biggest turnaround or the biggest overachievement, but you'd be hard pressed to find a director on top of his game like Monty Williams has been for the Phoenix Suns. The Suns were a laughingstock before he arrived, but he's sifted through that garbage dump and built a well-oiled machine.

In NBA awards (Coach of the Year or otherwise), we tend to neglect the person who's already arrived and get distracted by the shiny new storyline instead. But if we're talking about coaching, isn't it just as hard to get a team that reached the Finals locked in during the regular season? Not only did the Suns improve and take control of the # 1 seed, they're beating the next best team by 5+ games. It's not easy to instill that type of self-motivation.


BEST PICTURE

Best Picture is the "big award" of the night and given to the best overall film, so we're going to use this to award the best overall team.

In many Oscar years, we see a sweep through all major categories. Can the Phoenix Suns be the Ben Hur of this season? They've already won Best Supporting Actor, and Best Director, and now Best Picture as well?

In fact, if we use on-court production alone, the Phoenix Suns may win this award running away. They have the best record, the best SRS (schedule adjusted power rank), the best net rating. Their offense and defense are both in the top 5 (at # 4 and # 3 respectively.) Their depth is strong -- their chemistry is strong -- their coaching staff is strong. Anyone who thought last year's title run was a fluke has some egg on their face right now, because the Suns have been the best team this season.

But wait... there's a delay at the podium... Warren Beatty is looking around, confused...

Apparently Chris Paul's injury has led to a last minute recount. And if CP3's durability leaves a cloud hanging over the rest of the season, who should take this award from the Suns?

Well, how about the team that beat them last year? Sure, the Milwaukee Bucks have been coasting through the regular season with a 36-23 record and a rank of # 9 in SRS. And sure, their depth is somewhat shaky given some injuries (notably Brook Lopez.) Vegas doesn't respect them much either, ranking them 4th in title odds. Still, they just won the title and are bringing back 95% of the same team again. Why should this year be that much different?

At the end of the day, the Bucks still have one trump card: Giannis fuckin' A. He averaged 35-13 last year against Phoenix, and I'm still not sure if they have the right pieces to stop him. He's a kaiju tearing his way through the States. In turn, Jrue Holiday is one of the most ideal defenders to stop a good backcourt like Phoenix. The East is no cakewalk, but the Bucks have proven that they can shrug off their playoff demons and get the job done. So to me, they have the least amount of questions in the field, and the best chance to win the title (again.)




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