After seeing this gem of a post by u/Trexfromouterspace, I also had a drug induced epiphany centered around a current NBA player and an obscure member of a childhood favourite anime franchise. Please join me as I create loose associations between Kevin Durant and Durant the Pokémon.
Durant is a Bug/Steel type Pokémon first introduced in the Pokémon Black and White games in Generation V. As its name and typing implies, it is essentially a giant ant covered in steel armour. That’s all you’ll need to know for now, as I’ll be revealing crucial information about this Pokémon as we go along. In an attempt to prevent confusion, I will be referring to this Pokémon as DurAnt for the rest of this shitpost.
Without further ado, let's see how DurAnt is tied to KD.
1. Kevin Durant is the only NBA player (per Basketball Reference) to have the last name "Durant". Similarly, DurAnt is the only Pokémon (per the Pokédex) to have the name “Durant”. I know, absolutely mind-blowing.
2. KD is infamous for his lack of bulk and skinny limbs. DurAnt, being an ant, also has skinny appendages and a narrow, pinchable waist. It also lacks bulk, sporting a lacklustre base HP stat of 58.
3. In this draft scouting report about KD, the analyst states, “Double teams have proven to trouble him as he doesn’t always read them quickly enough”. In Pokémon, Double Team is a move that increases the evasiveness of the user. The last move that DurAnt can learn by leveling up is Guillotine, a one-hit KO move that unfortunately only has an accuracy of 30%. Double Team would reduce the chance of Guillotine hitting even more, therefore countering DurAnt’s most powerful move.
4. In the same scouting report, the analyst also mentioned that Durant can have, “stretches of games where he appears fatigued and won’t demand the ball”. DurAnt’s Hidden Ability is Truant, an ability that causes the Pokémon to loaf around instead of attacking every other turn.
5. Despite these initial scepticisms, Kevin Durant has proven himself to be one of the most proficient scorers in the league. He’s won the scoring title 4 times in his illustrious career, and is part of the coveted 50–40–90 Club. He is currently 21st on the all-time regular season scoring list (NBA only), totaling 25526 regular season points, and is positioned to crack the top-20 next season. DurAnt the Pokémon is also known for its fantastic offensive abilities, boasting Attack and Speed base stats of 109. It also has great type coverage – its STAB moves are only resisted by Steel or Fire types. This brings me to my next point.
6. DurAnt's type combination gives it a glaring 4x weakness to Fire type moves. This was manifested in Kevin Durant when the OKC Thunder lost to the Miami Heat in the 2012 NBA Finals. KD is also prone to being flamed on social media. Luckily for Durant, Fire type is DurAnt’s only defensive weakness.
7. In spite of all the criticism he’s received on Twitter and the like, Kevin has become fairly resistant to the online toxicity. This is due to DurAnt’s Steel typing, which grants it immunity to Poison type moves. This immunity also helps Kevin deal with Kyrie Irving on a daily basis.
8. DurAnt’s most notable appearance in the Pokémon anime is during episode 74 of Pokémon Black & White. In this episode, a group of DurAnt kidnap one of the character’s Pokémon, Axew, as they were attracted to the leaf costume Axew was wearing at the time. In order to infiltrate the DurAnt lair and rescue Axew, Ash and the Gang cover themselves in leaves so that the DurAnt would take them to their leaf stash. Similarly, Kevin Durant signs with the Golden State Warriors after being seduced by Green, and joins fellow leaf-enthusiast, Klay Thompson. Back to the anime, the DurAnt group eventually fight Ash and the Gang, and the DurAnt start off the battle by tank a bunch of Electric type attacks. In the end, the DurAnt are defeated, and return to feeding on their giant stash of leaves. This represents KD leaving the Thunder for the Warriors.
9. In Pokémon the Movie: Genesect and the Legend Awakened, a group of DurAnt attack Team Rocket and send them blasting off again. For those who don’t know, the Team Rocket trio includes James, an overall chill dude; Jessie, who can be a bit of a bitch at times; and Meowth, a Pokémon who somehow learned to speak in a New York accent when he lived in Hollywood prior to joining the team. This is similar to the KD Warriors defeating the Houston Rockets in the 2018 and 2019 playoffs, who at the time were led by James Harden, Chris Paul, and coach Mike D’Antoni. D’Antoni was HC of the Knicks and Lakers prior to coaching the Rockets.
10. In the 45th episode of Pokémon Journeys, a DurAnt is defeated by a Duraludon, a Steel/Dragon Pokemon. This is similar to how Durant suffered an Achilles injury while playing against the Raptors in Game 5 of the 2019 NBA Finals. Injured insects are prone to being captured. In the Pokémon world, one of the best ways to capture a Bug type Pokémon is using a Net Ball, which is 3.5x more effective at catching Bug and Water type Pokémon than a regular Poké Ball. Following his injury, Kevin Durant "signed" with the Brooklyn Nets.
11. Let’s switch gears a bit and examine KD’s personal life. As far as I’m aware, Kevin Durant does not have any known children. This Pokémon card’s attacks may explain why…
12. KD’s skin colour is black. DurAnt’s skin colour is clearly NOT black, but this doesn’t fit my narrative, so I’m going to choose to ignore this fact.
Now I know what some of you are thinking: “Wow, /u/deleted-user, you make some really good points and I see no flaws with your logic. However, Durant was drafted in 2007. How can DurAnt, who was first released in Pokémon Black and White in 2010, predict something that occurred before its conception?” Well, consider this:
13. Based on this totally scientific and well sourced peer-reviewed paper that I found on the internet, DurAnt are, on average, expected to live 34.5 years. In comparison, the average human lifespan is 72.6 years (based on a quick Google search). If we centre-align these two lifespans, we get something that looks like this. As you can see, the point at which a DurAnt’s life begins intersects with the average human lifespan at 19.05 years. How old was Kevin Durant when he was drafted? Almost 19. Since these lifespans are only averages, this result is well within the margin of error. 34.5 rounded to the nearest integer is 35. KD obviously tried to convey this to us by wearing 35 until he joined the Nets.
As you can see, DurAnt’s lore has perfectly described Durant’s career trajectory with frightening accuracy. Now that we’ve established that Kevin Durant and DurAnt the Pokémon are indubitably linked – and are most likely the same entity, let’s examine how this link affects KD’s career going forward.
Since joining the Nets, KD has recovered magnificently from his injury, and now yearns to be free from the suffocating constraints of the Nets. Can DurAnt show us where KD will land next?
Of course! KD changing his number from 35 to 7 is to convey a new message. Durant stated that he chose 7 because it represents the day God rested after creating the Earth, and symbolizes him retiring as a Net. We now know that this is complete bullshit. 7 obviously refers to Generation VII in Pokémon. The first installments of this generation are Pokémon Sun and Moon. Sun clearly refers to the Phoenix Suns, but what does Moon represent? Maybe it’s the Timberwolves, as wolves are often associated with the moon. Maybe the Rockets? Using my unbiased analytical abilities, I deduced that “Moon” actually refers to an asteroid. Specifically, the asteroid that caused the dinosaurs to go extinct. This obviously means that there's a possibility that he'll join the Raptors. However, if this were to occur, it would absolutely wreck the Raptors franchise, leaving only fossils (old vets on the verge of retiring) behind.
Now, how can the Suns or Raptors get KD? While details about specific trade packages are not immediately apparent in DurAnt’s lore, there is some vague information about it. The only way to obtain a DurAnt in Pokémon Sun and Moon is via the Pokémon Bank. What this means is that whatever trade package these teams come up with will be hella expensive. We’ll find out on next week’s episode of Dragon Ball Z!
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